Rain and Sorrows Of Death
I wonder why the scene outside is bewitching me. It is pulling me towards it – calling as if it wants me to bond with it…. Feels like it is sharing my emotions and trying to sort all the misery of this existence. Call it a mutual sentiment that is dragging me to the other side of my sliding glass door, that is the only barrier between me and the weather outside.
As I slide the door to move out with a numb mind, the rain drops on the glass start to become blotches by joining with each other and the beauty of the glass’s tears just disappears. The celery tacky grass gives me pinches and gets crushed by my feet, as I walk under the rain without a particular say. Mud and bits of broken grass stick with helpless dew drops on the base of my feet, and I wander off senselessly over to the moor where layers of grey clouds float above the dark pine trees.
Beads of chilly water from the heavy rain drop down my body. My skin becomes taciturn and translucent. With wet hair and arms wrapped around my body, I stray over to the swing under the gazebo. With it standing so still at the edge of the slope of the moor, I am drawn to it. My hands clasp the freezing metal chains of the swing as I sit on its seat, not realizing a single move I’m making. I drift off with the world around me as the creaking of the swing, the gushes of the gale and the pitter patter of the rain drops over the roof of the gazebo enclose me into a place of mysteries. As I lose myself completely, I feel paralyzed with everything that has happened in the last week. I drown even more in grief as the grey clouds paint a forlorn bizarre life for me.
Everything seems to fall apart and drops of pain and sorrow turn to tears flowing down my cold face. Hurt and anguish along with a million unanswered questions flood my mind. Words seem to have lost their way within me. All I hear from everywhere is “Why?”….
The more I try to wash away my rusted parts the more the weather drowns me in a pool of dismay. It feels like I can’t swim up to see the light of day. Death seems to have become a hard limit for me now. Life has become empty like the grey clouds that are crying today. My body shivers with fear and distress as I am wounded by every second’s thought of “Whats going to happen now?”… It’s been over an hour since I’ve been here and it still feels like the clouds want to cry and share their dismay for a longer period of time. My body has lost control. Everything seems to have frozen internally and externally. I feel helpless and dead, and my eyes wont stop raining like the grey clouds of today.
Fear has shielded me from taking steps. I am frozen to the spot, staring blankly at the canvas of life that lies before my eyes. Shades of grey line the sky and follow into the forest of dark pine trees that veil the secrets of this strange existence…